Wide World of Quotes > Woody Allen Quotes

Woody Allen
American film actor and director
(1935- )

Woody Allen in the 1970s (image)

Woody Allen in the 1970s

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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.
-- Take the Money and Run (1969 film)

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
-- "My Philosophy" in Getting Even (1971)

Is sex dirty? Only if its done right.
-- Everything You've Always Wanted to Know about Sex (1972 film)

It's not that I am afraid to die. just don't want to be there when it happens.
-- -- Death: A Comedy in One Act (1972)

My brain? It's my second favorite organ.
-- Sleeper (1973 film)

I don't watch funny movies. I watch Ingmar Bergman. He's concerned with the silence of God and in some small way so am I.
-- Time, 3 July 1973

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
-- "Selections from the Allen Notebooks" in New Yorker, 5 November 1973

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they rent out my room.
Quoted in: Eric Lax, Woody Allen and his Comedy (1975)

On bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chance for a date on Saturday night.
-- New York Times, 1 December 1975

It was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
-- (Speaking of sex). Annie Hall (1977 film)

Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
-- Annie Hall (1977 film)

Woman: You are the greatest lover I have ever known.
Allen: Well, I practice a lot when I'm on my own.
-- Love and Death (1975 film)

I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to invade Poland.
-- Manhatten Murder Mystery (1993 film)

But [Woody Allen] is for me the only American, like Bergman and Fellini and Antonioni, who can be said to be making a personal statement. His movies are like a novelist's novels. They are variations of a single vision, and they have a kind of personal element. They're not all good. In fact, Woody Allen has his limits. If you read him as a writer, you see that he has his limits. On the other hand, as a filmmaker you feel there's a more direct connection. There are not a lot of bankers and agents and advisors in (his) way. I guess that's what I don't like about the movies. That being group art, you tend to get kind of committee-think operating.
-- John Updike, interview, Salon, 2000 (Source)

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The selection of the above quotes and the writing of the accompanying notes was performed by the author David Paul Wagner.

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