ABSURDITY, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ACQUAINTANCE, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ALLIANCE, n.: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot successfully plunder a third. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary APPLAUSE, n.: The echo of a platitude. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary BORE, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary BRAIN, n.: An apparatus with which we think we think. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary CALAMITY, n.: Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary CONSULT, v.t.: To seek another's approval of a course already decided upon. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary CORPORATION, n.: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary HISTORY, n.: An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary MARRIAGE, n.: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary POLITICS, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary POSITIVE, adj.: To be mistaken at the top of one's voice. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary SAINT n.: A dead sinner revised and edited. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

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